Disappointment

Today was one of those days. 

One of those days I seem to be having a lot of, lately.

I’m not sure if it’s my age, the phase of the moon, my stage in life, the economy, the barometric pressure, or the fact that it’s fall.  Whatever “it” is, “it” is making me feel draggy, negative and not-very-fun.  I truly think I’d really enjoy snuggling into a nice pair of warm jammies, climbing into my bed with my fluffy down comforter, and taking a nap.  For about a month. 

While I’m napping, I’d appreciate it if everyone could: a)keep up with their schoolwork, b) help keep the house clean, and c) refrain from making any major changes, except of course for the ones that are making me so debilitated as I’m doing my best to wait for them to finally happen.  As Glinda, my favorite musical character, would say, “I’m exhaustified.” 
Today as I was thinking about this uncomfortable feeling, it struck me . . . perhaps this feeling . . . this pervasive disappointment in so many things in my life . . . is more than just ennui or boredom or even frustration.  Perhaps it’s not just something I need to repent of, or something that indicates I should change my attitude, or something I need to hide from my fellow homeschooling moms who will surely be disappointed in me and discouraged about their own lives if I share about my down days.  Perhaps–just maybe–God allows disappointment to a greater degree than any of us usually feel comfortable talking about because He wants us to long for heaven.

At the MomHeart Training Intensive, Sally Clarkson told us about a woman she met some time ago who seemed to have it all.  Her home was beautiful; perfectly appointed, perfectly cleaned.  A lovely meal was served.  From the back patio, a view of gardens and pastures was laid out before the admiring guests.  The woman made it clear that the family rarely left their home, preferring to stay within their own world of sorts.  But, Sally shared, something felt “wrong” to her about the whole situation.  And after a bit more conversing with the family, she knew what it was . . . the woman had created her own little kingdom on earth.  I got the feeling from hearing the story that that lucky(?) lady probably didn’t think about heaven very much.

Now, try as I might, my own little kingdom on earth keeps eluding me.  Chalk it up to poor management skills, too little patience, or just flat-out too many people wanting to eat, learn and wear clothes in one 2,000 sq ft space–for whichever reason one can pull out of a hat, I just can’t seem to get this place looking like my castle in the air.  But I’m starting to think that’s part of the plan.  Living in imperfection and stress and disappointment makes me remember that I need Jesus. 

I hunger and thirst for righteousness.

And clean floors.

And more important things, like obedient, godly children and a vibrant, exemplary marriage.

I reach.

I fall.

But I will not give up.

Because I have an example to follow . . . Heb. 12:2 says, “Jesus, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame . . . ”

Isaiah 40:28-31
 “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

I need to learn to let my disappointment in this world serve to send me to the arms of my Father.  Rather than becoming overwhelmed with navel-gazing and fussing and wondering what I’m doing wrong and what everyone else is doing wrong and the multitudinous list of things I need to do to “fix” everything, I need to remember . . . earth is not my home.  Nothing will be perfect until I’m there.

And He likes it that way.

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16 Responses to Disappointment

  1. Julie says:

    Thank you for sharing! After discussing discouragements and disappointments with my hubby the other day, he said to me, “Makes us so thankful for the Resurrection, doesn’t it?” It is true that heaven is all the more longed for when life on this earth is full of TOIL and stress. Another good thought to ponder on those days when life seems to dreary. Thank you for being real!

  2. cheryl says:

    Dear Misty,
    Its the first time I have popped by at your blog. Your message is really encouraging.
    I am a stay at home mom as well. Its some times difficult to juggle all the balls around the house: laundry, ironing, cooking, kids homework, etc. I think we can only strive to be like Jesus: blameless, holy, perfect and righteous.
    Do take care and have a blessed weekend,
    cheryl

  3. admin says:

    Julie, yes, it *does* all make me grateful for the resurrection. And “Christ in me, the hope of glory!” And I learned a long time ago, and usually remember now, that not being real is a big waste of time for me and everyone else. Love ya!

    Cheryl, so glad you came by! A mom’s life is indeed busy, busy, busy. And we’ve got to learn to let Christ live His life through us. Blameless, holy, perfect, and righteous . . . beautiful words. So glad God sees me that way through His Son! :-)

  4. Becky says:

    I just “coincidentally” stumbled across your blog tonight. I think maybe my Daddy is trying to teach me something. I, too, am in a funk of late. That month-long nap sounds like bliss. I’m frustrated with what my body is doing to me at this age, what my kids *aren’t* doing at their ages that I feel they should be if I’d “done it right”, the circumstance of a waiting period my husband and I are going through professionally… I sat down the other day, listed out all the fixable problems in our home life (read “changes that might need to be made in our parenting style to get the kids to respond better”), and literally began to make up a spreadsheet of applicable Scripture and practical steps to correct it all. (can you say Type A??) God stopped me short. Literally pulled my hands off of the keyboard. And an almost audible whisper said, “Just rest in Me. Don’t fix it. Walk through it. Cling tightly to Me and trust My plan for you. Programs and formulas and lists are just your feeble attempts to control what you can’t. Rest. I AM in control. Trust Me. With your circumstances, your marriage, your kids, and ALL of the outcomes. Don’t manipulate them. Don’t force them the way you think they ought to go. Rest in Me. I’ve got it.” Oh, my, but it’s hard to lay aside those tools you’ve been using to build your own little castle and trust the construction – and the design – to Him! I’m starting to have more moments each day that I spend enjoying life rather than dissecting the frustrations in it. But it is definitely a struggle for me to remember that this world is not my home and the apparent defeats in it may just be leading me to greater victories in Him. Thanks for making me not feel quite so alone on this leg of the journey!

    • admin says:

      Becky, how I loved your description of your list and spreadsheet! Bwahahaha! You mean, I’m not the only person silly enough to try such a thing? Thanks so much for telling me that! 😉 I think God has that exact message to me somewhere, and he just hits “replay” whenever I cycle back to that place in life where I think I’ve got to fix everything . . . which is thankfully a lot less often than it used to be. You are exactly right about laying aside the tools, enjoying life . . . all of that. Bless you as you learn (along with me!) to let go and leave it in God’s capable hands!!!

  5. Lecia says:

    This post is perfect timing in my life right now. I linked here from my blog because this post spoke to me in a much needed way. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  6. Chrissy says:

    WOW! What a wonderful post. Thank you, Thank you for sharing this. What a great way to look at this. I am actually going through this. I mean I read how you felt in the first part of the post and thought that is also me in so many ways right now.

    WOW! Now, I am going to be going to the Lord some more. Thanks.

    Came here from Lecia’s blog.

  7. admin says:

    Hi, Chrissy! Thank you so much for your kind words. I think the great secret among homeschool moms is exactly *how often* we all feel this way! The enemy wants us to think we’re alone. Not true. Hope you are finding peace as you remember it won’t be perfect ’til we’re HOME. <3

  8. Gan says:

    “While I’m napping, I’d appreciate it if everyone could: a)keep up with their schoolwork, b) help keep the house clean, and c) refrain from making any major changes, except of course for the ones that are making me so debilitated as I’m doing my best to wait for them to finally happen.” ….YES!! DITTO!! OUI!! *sigh* That sums it up :)

    • admin says:

      I need to write those things out and post them on my refrigerator for all to read–I’ll send ya a copy if I ever get to it . . . Haha!

  9. Thank you so much Misty,

    I really needed to be reminded that we are longing for heaven, for God, for his Kingdom. You are such a joy to be so frank and give us encouragement and a little nettle to keep us going. Thank you! And, many blessings on you and your sweet home.

    Love,
    Mary Robin

  10. kristen espino says:

    Miss,
    Thank you, thank you for blessing me with such wonderful & truthful words! I’m in tears just reading all of your blogs…. I personally think they could minister to soooo many women! So, when is your first book coming:) Love you and miss you!

    • admin says:

      Kristen, you are too kind. You know I love ya, and am sooo looking forward to a get- together soon! About that book . . . sigh . . . I’m not sure. But it *is* coming, I do believe . . . sometime! Praying about that!

  11. How much blessing honesty can be. It’s such an encouragement to others when you are honest and don’t talk always as if everything is perfect.
    None of us wants to be moaners, but moaning is different to telling it as it is sometimes, and where we go for help in our times of trouble. Yes, we praise God for the wonderful blessings we have; we praise Him because we are so much more well off than countless others; but we also go to Him – at times – in desperation. And – the wonderful God that He is – He hears us, and comforts us, and encourages us to look for that city to come.
    Thanks for posting.
    Love, Anne (in Scotland….who’s thinking what a wonderful thing the internet is, when we can bless one another with the click of a button) x

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