The page sits empty.
Days go by and thoughts swirl through my head, prayers and scripture and snatches of conversation between others, between God and I. So many things to say . . . so many things maybe someone else needs to hear?
The screen remains blank.
Others vie for my attention; the tyranny of the urgent. Calls to make and paperwork to file and bills to pay and laundry to wash and put away. Love calls, too; children must be taught and hugged and fed, husband needs a listening ear, and I will have nothing deserving of being listened to anyway if I fail at serving my family.
A dear friend who loves me asks, “Why haven’t you been writing?” It’s a question and a challenge; she knows me. Knows I need to write; have to write. And I wonder myself–wonder what the true answer is, anyway?
Maybe because in the past few weeks, I’ve been more hungry than full.
All my life God has provided for me through words. His Word, beautiful from my grandparent’s pastor’s lips, from the pulpits of congregations I hitch rides to throughout my childhood, from books I pore over searching for love and wisdom and truth. I love words; love the way they have brought me closer to His heart and taught me more about Him. This morning I am hungry for words. I’ve woken early and read from His Word and read, too, from others’ words about Him, and I’m still hungry. I go here, a favorite place to eat words, and there’s a challenge . . .
And I sigh. Heart flutters, hears the call, wonders if maybe . . . maybe the dream of writing and speaking and helping and somehow finding a way to be a blessing, to encourage someone else as I’ve been encouraged and taught and led by so many precious ones, followers of Jesus who carved out time to pour their words onto pages . . . maybe it wants to come true now?
I click, read through other’s words. They are beautiful, and full of meaning, and my own thoughts are so scattered today. It begins to haunt . . . the spectre of “not enough.” The too-often-present mantra of my past, the enemy’s taunt even now . . . Someone else can say it better–say anything better. Someone else has more to offer . . . everyone else has more to offer . . . and why bother throwing words out into a world full of too much information already? I’ve always been the one who doesn’t get heard, and it’s true when I cry at night as a little girl and true when I look for love as a teen and it’s true even in the physical world when I yell and my voice just doesn’t carry.
And I know the truth . . . Only Jesus holds the Words worth saying.
“…the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.” John 6:63
He whispers words in my heart. He quiets the storms and hushes the enemy and plants hope and confirms His call. He is the Bread of Life, the One who has offered Himself in every way possible so I can be full. And I offer Him loaves and fishes and by some miracle He uses them to bless someone else. When He does, it is all miracle.
So I write.
The SheSpeaks conference, held this year from July 22nd-24th in North Carolina by Proverbs 31 ministries, “is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God …” I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember, and really desire to learn to do it in such a way that I can do exactly that–encourage women to reach out to the God who always, always is reaching out to us!
And of course, click here by April 2nd if you’d like to apply for a scholarship to be randomly offered to the SheSpeaks Conference!