I’ve been going full speed lately, it seems.
Homeschooling. Laundry. Meal planning. Traveling. Cooking. Birthday celebrating. Grocery shopping. Floor mopping. Child training. Teaching.
And I’ve realized something in the past couple of days: I’m more tired than I should be. And I know why.
My soul has become dry.
I’m waking up early, brewing coffee, putting on music, heading to the couch with my Bible.
But nothing much happens. I’ve got a wall of some kind up. Somehow, I’m reading and not really hearing anything.
Ever been there?
I think there’s been a lot of pain in the past few years. Disappointment in relationships, confusion in following God’s call, giving up on dreams–it feels like those have been the calling cards of 2007-2011. I absolutely believe we’re in a place of turnaround, and the Lord has been very gracious and put us back into our spiritual family and I’m hearing His word taught marvelously and challengingly. But it’s as if I’ve got spiritual adrenal burnout — I can take in these wonderful words from the Lord, whether at home or at church or while I play worship music around the house or whatever, but they’re sortof bouncing off instead of penetrating. I’ve become a grateful but untouched observer.
I don’t like it.
Not feeling much has caused me to spend less time reading. And even less time *praying,* and that of course is so much of the problem. Maybe if I really asked the truth of my heart, I’d find that I’m disappointed not just in life, but with the One who has directed it. Maybe I’m not doing much talking or listening because I’m kindof tired of working hard and seeing little in the way of visible results.
There’s a suggestion for that …
“Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the Lord,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you.” (Hosea 10:12)
So, today I vow to plough. I’m asking the Lord to dig, though even in the asking I tremble, knowing it will be painful. I believe painful will be better than numb. And that greatness is on the other side.
What does ploughing look like? Well, when I “plough” my garden, I have to remove large unwanted roots — weeds — first. Bitterness, unforgiveness, laziness … yup, those. Jesus said that not only sin, but also the worries of life would choke out the seeds He wanted to sow in our lives. That deserves a closer look, too.
Someone else wrote about this same topic here, if you want to read more.
I’m tired of seed and water bouncing off. Hurt though it may, it’s time to invite the plough.
Anyone want to join me?